My husband my alcoholic

I am really sick and tired of living with someone with this disease. At one point he stopped drinking for 14 years, went to AA meetings but was in effect a dry alcoholic. I told him to start drinking, may as well he was making my life hell then and still is now. That was three years ago. His drinking consists of drinking by himself in the day, adding Xanax to that or any other drug he has prescribed to him by his doctor, including sleeping aids which he takes in the day to enhance his high. When I mention this to his family they think its funny, really? Lately he has become very belligerent and yells at me a lot. Oh and we have a gun in the house, and one time he blacked out and did not know who I was, but this was a long time ago but I am afraid it can happen again and fear for my life!
My problem is that I am afraid to leave him. I am so beaten down from him I have little self esteem thinking I cannot do anything on my own, although deep down in side I know I can because I am a strong individual and am a survivor. Is there anyone out there that can give me some kind of advise? Any words of wisdom? I am very sad and need some light at the end of this deep abyss.

Why do some people insist on changing you?

At work you have a desk, right? Well some people come over to your desk and ask, how do you find anything it looks like a mess. Who cares what they think and if they can find anything, its my desk. Well the other day my supervisor comes to my desk to bring me some kind of plastic antiquated stackables to keep my stuff in so my desk looks more organized. What! Then the other guy at work decides its good to be on her side so he chimes in that it would look nice and be a good thing, change is good. This is from someone that collects little plastic container tops at his desk, and reads all day. Sometimes when I am off for some reason, she comes in and changes my desk, taking my collectables off the desk and throwing them in the drawer, moving things, and basically mucking up the desk. Its a bad situation, when people feel they can just step all over you and rearrange your stuff and such its a matter of them saying "your things and how you fixed your desk doesn't matter, you don't matter" and they have no respect for you. Its humiliating, and very sad. Can you say organization? Have you ever had anyone try to organize what and how you have your stuff organized? Its stupid. Some people are very picky where things go and where they do not go on their desks, and very territorial. I think people should just leave my desk how it is and let me be, if I am failing to accomplish a task or something then they can say something, but that hasn't happened yet and I do not intend for it to happen. Get out of my space. . .please

The rain and more rain

So wednesday it was raining and raining until I thought the rain was going to come into my back door. I looked out to the front yard and it was flooded. My husband went to access the place and came into the house yelling that the fences had fallen down and the driveway was partially washed away! Eeks! I put my large mud boots on we grabbed shovels and went out there to try to divert the water. Oh my gosh, it was like a falls at a park it was beautiful but yet damaging. We started taking the debris off the fence that it had laid down and funny thing, neighbors were coming by beeping and waving! Get out of your damn cars and help us that would be the neighborly thing to do, but no---- that didn't happen. Jennifer our neighbor did say she was going to go around the neighborhood another time and would come by if we needed her, but we were about done. It was hot and sticky and we had been there for over 2 hours. Ants had tried to save themselves by climbing onto my boots and then to thank me they climbed onto my leg and bit me. You gotta love them ants. Ha. The next morning we went to the church and got 2 day workers to help with the shoveling, and come to find out that the one Francesco knew how to fix the fence. Woo Hoo. They were at our house all day, but they did a wonderful job. After that they went to my other neighbor who could not get out of her driveway and fixed it for her too. Lucky us. Did I mention that wednesday when I was in Austin I stopped to get gas and my car died, and I had to be towed because of bad gas? Same day of the flood. I must say it was a trying day at that. The moral of the story is that all and all you need to be prepared for just about anything the Universe throws at you, and go on and try to make that best of everything you have because you never know in an instant it may all be gone.

Oh whats up with fasting?

Okay, so I think fasting would be a good way to kick start a diet, because since my mother died I have been eating my heart out with deserts and sweets, which I know she would have frowned upon. Yeah, whats up with that? Something psychological? Who knows, but I digress. So yesterday was a diet of a few strawberries and juice. I know, I know, I should be juicing with real fruits and a juicer, but instead I had apple juice from Simply Juice, and it is the best. To compliment this I had a malt from Steak and Shake because they have the best damn shakes down here, and I felt it was liquid anyway so why not!
 Maybe it was not a good choice of liquids for this kick start, but it happened anyway.  Today I still feel good and hope I can make it without a shake. I should just puree fruit in a blender and have that all day, I dunno? I really need to do something about my weight because additional weight is not good for your body. Its not that I am obese and look bad, but I feel in pictures of myself, that five pounds that the camera puts on looks more like forty! Ack. I hate the way I look in photos so I have to do something about it. This is good. Wait. What do you think if I get some kind of following I could post my  progress and people could cheer me on? It could happen. Lets see. . . .

The bees

we had bee's going into a small hole by our front door. i thought we should live and let live until i heard of people getting swarmed by bee's. so i asked the husband to seal them off, which is a sad thing to do since they will eventually die in there with their queen. well, he did that and the ones that got locked out kept trying to get into different holes. we kept killing the loners since no other hive would accept them and who knows they were not smart enough to go and start their own colony. we have no more bee's coming to my front door. today i am typing in a room and i hear the hum of bee's? what the hell! i think they are burrowing through the house and will come out of a vent or something. should i be scared?  yep.